If you have a GPS in your car, you know that when you don’t follow directions, you hear a menacing “Recalculating!” and that is not good news.
I have spent the last couple of weeks “recalculating” my life, and that hasn’t been good news either. I have reluctantly accepted that my decision to be a 75-year old graduate student was a poor one. I wrote earlier that I wanted to “taste the candy” by taking classes at the school where I had worked so long, and that seemed like reason enough to enroll.
But the enormity of the change (from a more-than-full-time job where I was important to a graduate student where I wasn’t) in just 48 hours didn’t enter into my calculation. I listened to my heart and ignored my head.
I was doing well in my classes. But I didn’t feel like a student. I felt like an administrator pretending to be a student. And that didn’t feel good. So last week, I withdrew.
My recalculation is a work in progress. I am giving myself some breathing time. I know that there is a right path for me toward a rich retirement in which I can give to others in gratitude for all the good things I have received.
I will take my time, but I will find it.