On Tuesday I had my annual appointment with my hematologist. It has been two years since my diagnosis of chronic lymphocemic leukemia. CLL is a form of cancer in which increasing abnormal blood cells push out normal blood cells. Eventually, it becomes difficult to fight off infections.
There is no cure for this disease, but it can be treated. It's all about the numbers. So, twice a year, my blood is tested, and once a year, I see my hematologist who looks for increased numbers of abnormal cells and swollen lymph glands and asks about night sweats and other symptoms
About 363 days of the year, I don't think about my CLL. Thinking about it doesn't change anything, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. But when I have my semi-annual blood test, and when I see the doctor, I am reminded that I do have cancer.
Walking back to the car after my appointment, I felt sad. My numbers are a bit worse (they don't go the other way), but not alarming. Still, I wish that I didn't have this disease.
We had friends over for dinner that night. We sat outside in the garden. It was a gorgeous evening.
I felt better.