Our friend Barbara lost her husband to pancreatic cancer five years ago. They were a great couple and great friends. They laughed easily, noisily and irresistibly. They were ideal neighbors for the twenty years that we lived nearby.

We manage to get together with Barbara a few times a year, but we all have busy lives and we don't live in the neighborhood now, so it's not that easy.

A week ago, we were able to spend a day with Barbara visiting artist open studios on Cape Ann. It was a crisp, clear fall day, and the artists' homes all had ocean or inlet views and flower gardens that frost had not yet touched. A perfect day for our outing.

When we stopped for lunch, we talked a bit about Barbara's husband Carl and how much everyone misses him. I know Barbara has many happy things in her life, including four grandchildren age three or younger who live nearby. I asked her if she had adjusted to her loss.

"Adjust? No," she replied. "Adapt? Yes."