I am a very bad at telling jokes. That doesn't really matter because I hardly ever remember jokes anyway.

I do remember what was probably the first joke I ever heard. It's the one about the little boy and girl at a picnic who go into the woods to pee. She watches him and says: "Now that's a handy gadget to have on a picnic."

Here are two jokes that I have remembered for three days. I want to get them down in writing before I forget them.

1. First person: Do you smoke after sex? Second person: Don't know…never looked.

2. What's the difference between a Lehman Brothers trader and a pigeon?

The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Ferrari.

By the way, I do remember some very odd things, like what I wore the day I met Peter 43 years ago and the name of my seventh grade Latin teacher. And so far I remember most of my computer passwords.

But don't expect me to tell you what happened when a minister, a priest and a rabbi walked into a bar.