Be as productive as you can every day, but you don’t have to be productive every day.

… create special playlists of the music beloved by dear dead ones… What starts in pain---grief and mourning--become a part of daily life. It's not morbid to celebrate memories.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

Keep on learning--about all sorts of things.

Start moving.  Get the lead out.  Whichever way works for you—-get a bicycle and hop on, walk, run, walk AND run, join a gym, don’t sit in front of the TV all day…  As a wise Japanese person answered when asked why most Japanese people are healthy, he said:  “Never stop moving.”

Don’t move away from home to retire.                                       

Take a walk every day either on a treadmill at a gym or even better, walk outside!

Thanks to all who replied!

I often read about (and am fascinated by) focus groups consisting of diverse ages and political beliefs.  But the other evening I attended a focus group as an observer. It was run by a bona fide pollster. 

There were 13 participants ranging in age from 25 to a grandmother, age unknown.  They gathered from all points in the U.S.A.  Their political views were not revealed to each other or the audience.

Here are some of their concerns:  Low wages and higher costs, cost of health care, especially for retirees, as much as $250 for a child’s baseball bat, the American dream unattainable for many.  Generation Z feeling unheard, young people not wanting to bring children into our world, lack of a middle ground for people to come together.

We all tend to surround ourselves with people like us.  For me, this was a reminder that there is a world out there that is so different from mine.

It was eye-opening.

(The blog post below is distilled from Roger Rosenblatt’s April 13 NYTimes article “How to be a Happy 85-Year Old Like Me”). 

1. Nobody is thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves just like you are.
2. Make young friends. (This one takes a bit of work, but the payoff is worth it. I’m finally on first name terms with some of the students on my floor.  We bonded over some live baby bunnies in the pre-Easter flower bed outside our building.)
3. Try to see fewer than five doctors. (This one is tough—but right now, I am at four.)
4. Get a dog. (This is another tough one.  I love other people’s dogs, but the idea of a winter of walking one…not going to work for me.)
5. Don’t hear the cheers—or boos. Just do the work.
6. Everyone’s in pain. Just be kind.
7. Learn to live with regrets. They’re part of every life.
8. Start and end each day by listening to Louis Armstrong.

P.S.  Do you have something to add to this list?  Please respond in the comments.

1. In January, 2021, I wrote a blog post about how I can’t cut a straight piece of cantaloupe and how several years earlier, my then young grandson chided me for eating my cantaloupe with a knife, saying his mother said he should never put a knife in his mouth. In 2025, I still eat a piece of cantaloupe every morning and I still eat it with a knife, although I do think of my grandson’s warning.
2. While waiting for an elevator the other day I bumped into Roger who ran the mailroom when I worked at the Kennedy School at Harvard. We greeted each other warmly.  He is still in charge of the mailroom almost thirteen years later, and he looks the same.  I, however, do not.
3. On Saturday night, I met my next door neighbor, a graduate student, at the elevator. We rode down together.  I was meeting friends for dinner. Not sure where she was going but she was jacket-less and wearing a white camisole-type cotton top and jeans.  I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and a lightly padded jacket.  “Oh, to be young again!
4. With trepidation, I just checked the mouse trap in my closet. The cheese was still there so I think the exterminator did his job well.
5. This month marks 25 years since I have eaten gluten. ☹
6. It is only 43 days until my son Seth’s wedding!

In my current, temporary apartment, I and a couple of other refugees from our evacuated building are surrounded by students.  I have nothing against students, having worked with them for thirty-three years, but they are no longer “my people.”

On a recent Saturday evening I was waiting outside of my building to be picked up for dinner at friend’s home. I stepped aside as a gaggle of young people approached.  Everyone (about two dozen) was going into my building.  I asked one of them if they were going to a party, and they said “yes.”  I asked them what floor the party was on, but didn’t get a reply.

I had a lovely time at dinner and rather dreaded going home to a raucous party. But by the time I returned, either the party had moved on, or it was thoughtfully quiet.

A peaceful night’s sleep followed.

This is the eighth year in a row that Finland is rated number one out of 159 countries for happiness  .  At the same time, the USA fell from 23^rd to 24^th happiest country.  Factors considered in the study were: GDP per capita, social support, life expectancy, freedom, generosity and perception of corruption.

When I think of Finland, I think of cold weather and darkness half the year, although I do remember being there on a very delightful summer visit when daylight lasted forever.  Its top rating reflects easy access to nature and a strong welfare system.  The U.S. decline was attributed partially to our political polarization.

One factor that contributes to well-being is sharing meals with others. In 2023, one in four Americans reported eating all their meals alone the previous day, an increase of 63% since 2003.

When’s the last time you invited a friend to dinner?

With apologies to the person who originally had this thought and whose name I forgot to copy, studies show that paying attention to one’s breath alleviates stress, and that we should breathe through our nose because it is more calming and allows our lungs to extract oxygen more efficiently.

Try this: Take a deep breath and exhale slowly.  (Ideally, according to my unrecorded source, we should only take 5-6 breaths a minute.)

I tested my normal breathing as I wrote this, and in one minute I took 17 breaths. ☹

It looks like I’ve got some work to do.

80-something year olds are thought to be unable to adapt to new technologies.  I’d like to think I am an exception. but I was disabused of that notion when I finally decided to replace my five-year old phone.

The salesperson told me my new i-Phone was not all that different than my old phone.  Well, it may be that I have changed more than the i-Phone, but it wasn’t so easy for me.

Thus, I found myself at the Apple store Genius Bar on a rainy Saturday morning for a beginner’s class.  It turns out that in my ten days of owning the phone, I had learned a few fundamentals, so I was a bit ahead of the only other student, a female of my generation.

Nonetheless, I learned a few more basics and some tricks that I will probably never use.

Unfortunately, there is no higher-level class so until I see a grandchild…

I’m on my own.

I usually see a look of disbelief when I tell people that I just turned 87.  My “youthful appearance” comes from healthy eating, rigorous exercise, good genes and good luck.

But I am eighty-seven.

Having been forced to move from a failing apartment building in December to my current not-ideal situation, I am thinking about what’s next.  I’m leaning toward an independent apartment in a community of like-minded residents where I could have addition help if I needed it.

Stay tuned.

It’s now exactly three-and-one-half years since my husband Peter died.  I still miss him every day.

But missing him got much worse one recent night.  I was sitting on my living room sofa when I thought I saw something move into my line of vision and quickly disappear in the kitchen.  Seconds later, that something ran across the kitchen floor.  A mouse!!

And what does the typical woman do when she sees a mouse— she calls her husband.

If she has one…